ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
