tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
