I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
