No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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