If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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