Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
