hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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