We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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