my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
