were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
