Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
