I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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