you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
