How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
