what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
