I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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