We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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