Betty ford says i'm here all night
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
How external is "for external use only"?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
