the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
