I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
