i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
