A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
