So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
