theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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