Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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