I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
