Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
