I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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