He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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