the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
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