k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
