well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
