But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
