I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
