I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
