i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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