saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
