It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
is wine microwaveable?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
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