I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
