So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
