That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
