if only i could text you this smell
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
