Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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