Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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