Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
