I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
