So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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