i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
