apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
