Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
false alarm, still single
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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