Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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