my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
