he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
