he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
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