He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
