First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Let's get the cat blown out
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
