When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Pants are for mortals
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
