so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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