before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
