your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
