i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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