Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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