Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
