I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
