My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize