I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
