I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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