now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
