After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
