And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
