operation harelip BJ is a go
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
