Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Your tits are I can't wait for
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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