so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize