im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
